Hello, my lovelies. It’s
been a while. I’d like to say I’ve been busy as all fuck, but to be honest I’ve
just been lazy and in a bit of a rut. But, I shall persevere! Time for a blog
post. This is the part where you cheer loudly and feed my ego, eh? Tonight’s
post is about altruism. Just to clear things up, here is the definition!
The principle or practice of unselfish
concern for, or devotion to, the welfare of others.
Firstly, I’m going to discuss
the notion of altruism, how I feel about it and whether or not I practice it.
First and foremost I honestly
don’t think altruism is a real thing. The moral behind altruism is to perform
an act of kindness just for the sake of doing so, in a purely unselfish way. I
have yet to meet someone – myself included – who does nice for people just for
the sake of doing nice things. You know why I do nice things for people? I do
it because it makes me feel like a good person. I feel like my karma meter is
filling up, and that I am honouring my parents by doing so (they always taught me
to be utterly polite to people and do kind things). So, technically, I’m really
doing it for me, to make myself feel better about my own existence, so... not
really altruistic, hmm. I do small things for those I love, to make them smile
or make their lives a little easier, because if they are happy I am happy. I do nice things for
strangers because my parents taught me to, and it makes me happy to think that
I do them credit.
However, I sometimes feel like
being a nice person isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I know, I know, the Raging
Bitch is a nice person? But seriously, I only turn into the Hellspawn of
Bitchiness Incarnate when people piss me off. It’s not my fault you can’t fix
stupid...well, not without going to jail that is.
I can’t even fathom why people
equate kindness with weakness. It takes a lot of balls to be able to give
without expecting anything back. To know that you are putting yourself out
there and showing you care, and not really expecting them to reciprocate. Most
people believe that the imbalance would be in your favour, that because you’ve
done something for them, they should be expected to reciprocate. That there is a debt owed somewhere in there. But really, if
they don’t, you’re the one who is out of pocket so to speak. You have taken
time, energy, money, affection, to show them that you care... and they’ve shown
that they don’t care as much by not returning the favour. So really, you are at
the disadvantage by being a caring person and being brave enough to be vulnerable
to people.
This is how I see kindness. As
a way of making myself feel like a good person, and a way of showing others
that I give a fuck about them.
Well. No more fucks are being
given this week, Ladies and Gents. I am tired of being mistaken as a doormat by
those I care about. I am tired of saying yes, and putting up with shit, and not
making a stink about things, just to be kind. And considerate. And
understanding. I am tired of people looking at me like I’ve grown a second head
just because I ask them for something back. Just because I have made a demand
of my own. I’ve always hated those
people who couldn’t say no. Who didn’t have the courage to stand up for
themselves and demand that they be given the respect and rights they deserve.
And here I realize that, to a certain degree, I am one of them. I’m sure most
of you know me personally, you know I’m a bit of a bitch sometimes, I’m
neurotic, egotistical, and I take my own shit way too seriously. But that doesn’t
mean that I don’t care way too much about people, that I am not kind,
compassionate, and giving. Cause I am all those things. And I do my best to suppress
the Raging Bitch inside. Cause that chick, she is one crazy ass mother fucker.
She throws people through windows when they piss her off, she breaks
windshields and goes after assholes with a baseball bat. Thankfully, she hasn’t
gotten a lot of action lately. But I’m
starting to think she needs to come out a little more. Because, I am Not a Doormat. I am not here to
help you, enable you, or be the only thing keeping you afloat in the vast
wilderness that is Reality. I am here to help you in your time of need, to give
you a hug when you’re feeling shitty, and to back you up when shit goes down.
Not to be the crutch you lean on. If I am the crutch you lean on, the least you
can do is be mine as well. I’m tired of
putting myself out there for people and having them only reciprocate when they
feel like it, when they feel there is an actual obligation involved. And now I
feel like a selfish bitch for saying that people should be nice to me just
because I`m nice to them. But still... this bitch is done being nice for no
reason. If you aren`t considerate of me, you can kiss my lily white Irish ass,
and you and I both know you`ll enjoy it too. End rant! I think. Who knows, maybe I`ll actually drag my lazy fingers off their books and write another post this week/month. That`s a frightening thought...
Slainte,
~ Viki
P.S. I know I`ve covered this topic tangentially in the past... but I really just needed to remind myself that I am more than what others need me for. If that makes sense at all... So. yeah. Sorry!
