I am Not a Doormat

Hello, my lovelies. It’s been a while. I’d like to say I’ve been busy as all fuck, but to be honest I’ve just been lazy and in a bit of a rut. But, I shall persevere! Time for a blog post. This is the part where you cheer loudly and feed my ego, eh? Tonight’s post is about altruism. Just to clear things up, here is the definition! 

The principle or practice of unselfish concern for, or devotion to, the welfare of others.

Firstly, I’m going to discuss the notion of altruism, how I feel about it and whether or not I practice it.

First and foremost I honestly don’t think altruism is a real thing. The moral behind altruism is to perform an act of kindness just for the sake of doing so, in a purely unselfish way. I have yet to meet someone – myself included – who does nice for people just for the sake of doing nice things. You know why I do nice things for people? I do it because it makes me feel like a good person. I feel like my karma meter is filling up, and that I am honouring my parents by doing so (they always taught me to be utterly polite to people and do kind things). So, technically, I’m really doing it for me, to make myself feel better about my own existence, so... not really altruistic, hmm. I do small things for those I love, to make them smile or make their lives a little easier, because if they are happy I am happy. I do nice things for strangers because my parents taught me to, and it makes me happy to think that I do them credit.

However, I sometimes feel like being a nice person isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I know, I know, the Raging Bitch is a nice person? But seriously, I only turn into the Hellspawn of Bitchiness Incarnate when people piss me off. It’s not my fault you can’t fix stupid...well, not without going to jail that is.

I can’t even fathom why people equate kindness with weakness. It takes a lot of balls to be able to give without expecting anything back. To know that you are putting yourself out there and showing you care, and not really expecting them to reciprocate. Most people believe that the imbalance would be in your favour, that because you’ve done something for them, they should be expected to reciprocate. That there is a debt owed somewhere in there. But really, if they don’t, you’re the one who is out of pocket so to speak. You have taken time, energy, money, affection, to show them that you care... and they’ve shown that they don’t care as much by not returning the favour. So really, you are at the disadvantage by being a caring person and being brave enough to be vulnerable to people.

This is how I see kindness. As a way of making myself feel like a good person, and a way of showing others that I give a fuck about them.

Well. No more fucks are being given this week, Ladies and Gents. I am tired of being mistaken as a doormat by those I care about. I am tired of saying yes, and putting up with shit, and not making a stink about things, just to be kind. And considerate. And understanding. I am tired of people looking at me like I’ve grown a second head just because I ask them for something back. Just because I have made a demand of my own.  I’ve always hated those people who couldn’t say no. Who didn’t have the courage to stand up for themselves and demand that they be given the respect and rights they deserve. And here I realize that, to a certain degree, I am one of them. I’m sure most of you know me personally, you know I’m a bit of a bitch sometimes, I’m neurotic, egotistical, and I take my own shit way too seriously. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t care way too much about people, that I am not kind, compassionate, and giving. Cause I am all those things. And I do my best to suppress the Raging Bitch inside. Cause that chick, she is one crazy ass mother fucker. She throws people through windows when they piss her off, she breaks windshields and goes after assholes with a baseball bat. Thankfully, she hasn’t gotten  a lot of action lately. But I’m starting to think she needs to come out a little more. Because, I am Not a Doormat. I am not here to help you, enable you, or be the only thing keeping you afloat in the vast wilderness that is Reality. I am here to help you in your time of need, to give you a hug when you’re feeling shitty, and to back you up when shit goes down. Not to be the crutch you lean on. If I am the crutch you lean on, the least you can do is be mine as well.  I’m tired of putting myself out there for people and having them only reciprocate when they feel like it, when they feel there is an actual obligation involved. And now I feel like a selfish bitch for saying that people should be nice to me just because I`m nice to them. But still... this bitch is done being nice for no reason. If you aren`t considerate of me, you can kiss my lily white Irish ass, and you and I both know you`ll enjoy it too. End rant! I think. Who knows, maybe I`ll actually drag my lazy fingers off their books and write another post this week/month. That`s a frightening thought...

Slainte,

~ Viki

P.S. I know I`ve covered this topic tangentially in the past... but I really just needed to remind myself that I am more than what others need me for. If that makes sense at all... So. yeah. Sorry!