Perspective

I’m feeling really introspective today. I wonder what people see when they look at me. I know that I walk through this world of ours with eyes tainted by all the experiences I’ve had: good and bad. I see things from the perspective of a single, white, chubby, sexually fluid, opinionated, intelligent, spiritual, immodest, moody young woman. But what do people see that when they look at me? I look at other people and despite my best efforts I judge them. I may keep those opinions to myself, but I do it nonetheless. So I wonder what people see when they look at me. What are they judging about me? My weight? My bad hair day? My obnoxious laugh? My arrogance? My nerdy t-shirts? My odd preference for fedoras? I always wonder. My parents taught me when I was young to ignore what others thought about me. That people will always judge me even if I try my best to be perfect, that my sheer perfection would be a point of contention.  That if I allow myself to care about their opinions that I was showing weakness. My father and I would sit and watch the news, and when the commercials came on he would ask me what they were selling. I never said the obvious: perfume, a car, clothes, technology. It was always: sex, money, fame, popularity, belonging, life, feigned happiness. He tried so hard to teach me to value the things in life that matter: family, friends, love, independence, strength of character, moral fiber, a good work ethic. I still value all those things, but the perfume and the clothes are definitely nice too. I’ve struggled for a long time with who I am. I don’t feel like I’m alone in this, we all go through puberty inundated with ideas of what we should and shouldn’t be. I grew up in a culture that worshipped a warped type of beauty: photoshopped women who look nothing like the finished product, tiny models who eat cotton balls soaked in water to keep themselves full, men who take steroids and workout six days a week so they can look like a Hollywood celebrity. Everyone is so unhappy being who they are that they lose themselves in all the twisted versions of themselves that they can create with makeup and photo editing and brand name clothes. So I wonder what people see when they look at me. Do they see the mask I create for the rest of the world? Or do they see the real me. Sometimes it’s hard to remember if my mask is actually that, or if I have become that person in reality. Maybe it’s all just me, a blended yet multi-dimensional self that changes depending on who I’m with. It sure seems that way at least. But back to my main point. In a world full of fake eyelashes and Spanx I really do wonder what people think when they see me, or even better when they interact with me. I have a solidly built identity now, it’s always growing and fluctuating but the core is still the same. My perspective of the world rarely changes, as a creature of strong opinions it takes a large proverbial slap to my intellect for me to change my mind about something. I assume other people are the same, that they have an amalgam of memories and experiences that shines through their eyes whenever they see something new. I’ve read blog after blog, article after article, about people discovering their inner beauty, about people transcending the petty standards of our culture to worship beauty on a much kinder level. But I just can’t see it in myself. I look around and I see beauty everywhere, especially in those I care about. In friends who push through life thinking they are weak and ordinary when all I see is that every flaw they have only adds to the perfection of their soul. But I can’t see it in myself no matter how hard I try. It’s a failing I think. It’s a weakness to not be able to see past my flaws and see the worthiness in myself. Professionally I have no problem doing this. I’m confident and assertive as an employee, also as a friend. But when it’s just me, standing there naked looking at my reflection in the mirror... I just don’t see it. I don’t see this luminous beauty that I see in others. I don’t want to get to know me... but maybe that’s because I already do.  I feel like there’s this disconnect within me, I can’t connect the me that is awesome and competent and funny with the girl I see in the mirror. I can’t connect my reflection with the girl people look up to, with the girl people hang out with, with the girl people miss when she’s not around. I know I am more than the sum of my parts. Intellectually, I know this.  But deep within me, where I dwell when I’m sitting home alone late at night when most girls are surrounded by friends or cuddling with their S.O... I can’t help but feel the disconnect. I can’t help but feel that if I am such a great person, why am I so unhappy with myself? How do people see me from their perspective? Because I certainly don’t think they see me the way I see myself.

Customer Service Rubric

For those of you who have no fucking clue what a rubric is, here is the definition from www.dictionary.com

Rubric: any established mode of conduct or procedure; protocol.

So now that that is out of the way here we are with a blog post that is much overdue.

People are constantly belabouring the lack of good customer service these days. They lament over the loss of manners and exceptional service, they wish that somehow –SOMEWHERE - there was a way for them to get quick and friendly service for exactly what they need. Well, here is a rude awakening for 90% of consumers out there. We aren’t the problem – you are.

What a revolutionary concept, eh? You being a problem when all you want is for us to do our jobs properly? Welcome to my world. I spend approximately 35 hours a week listening to people ask for things I can’t do.

I want free butter.

I want a free refill on all sizes.

I want lower prices.

I want into the building before you’re actually open.

I want you to pop a fresh batch of popcorn 5 minutes from closing just because I’m a picky bitch 

and need it to be extra fucking fresh.

I want you to smile and be perky for hours at a time when all we do is treat you like a robotic non-entity built entirely to satisfy our needs.

I want you to go to extraordinary lengths to fulfill my irrational request just because you make minimum wage and work in the service industry because it’s your JOB.

I’m sure you can tell by now exactly how I feel about many of the people who come across my path when I’m working.

You want things to be exactly the way you want as a consumer, but to someone who deals with people like you all the time...well, it gets really fucking frustrating after about...oh... ten minutes. As a worker I have been given a decently strict set of rules to adhere by, and I am asked several times a shift to break at least one of those rules by a customer. I get treated like shit by people because I refuse to allow them to bully me into rule breaking just because I am a young woman in a customer service job making damn near minimum wage and it’s my job to please you.  I’m about to tell you exactly what to do to attain damn near perfect customer service every time you walk into a business.

1.       Be patient. Many customer service representatives go through dozens if not hundreds of people a day and it is exhausting. If we are dragging our heels a bit consider the fact that we might be a single parent with two kids who barely slept the night before. Or working two jobs just to pay the bills because we weren’t lucky enough to go to post secondary. Being patient with a CSR is a sure way for us to go as fast as we can, and give you a smile if not secret sales and price discounts we can give you.

2.       Be polite. A please and a thank you are bound to get you a sassy grin from me, as well as speedy service and particularly pleasant manners. My mother taught me to extend courtesy and polite manners to everyone regardless of their job position.

3.      Be rational. If we are obviously busy with something asking us to drop everything and help you is really rude. I am in the middle of performing a task necessary for my job and you want me to stop to fulfill a request for you. If it’s something small most of us don’t mind doing it right then... but seriously make sure you’re asking something reasonable of us, and not something that breaks protocol, health code, or makes us uncomfortable. My name isn’t Jeannie and I don’t cross my arms and nod perkily every time you need something from me.

4.      Communicate clearly. We can’t help you if we have no clue what you’re saying and/or asking for. Standing there mumbling when I have a lobby full of couple hundred people (half of those screaming children) is not going to make this process any easier. The same goes for any store: if you want a certain product KNOW THE NAME. If you need something particular, BE PARTICULAR about what you are asking for. Getting mad at us because we can’t read your mind about your choice of skinny jean brand is not kosher. Product education is a particular passion of mine, but that doesn’t mean I want to stand there for ten minutes explaining the ins and outs of what we offer because you can’t make up your mind. Seriously.

5.      Treat us like people. I have a uniform, a name tag, and I stand behind a counter. That does not suddenly make me non-human. I am a person with feelings and beliefs and just because I am being paid to stand there and take your order does not suddenly mean those things go away. Don’t expect me to smile and nod if you’re being rude to me, sexually harassing me (you may think you’re flirting...you’re not), or getting up in my proverbial space because I won’t douse your popcorn with butter – which is more than $50 a tub. I am not perfect, stop treating me like I have an operating system that has been seared behind me retinas to do exactly as you please all with a pretty little demure smile on my fucking face.

I have opinions and I will treat you to them if you push me. Welcome to Earth, are you here to stay? If so, get used to interacting on civil base with people no matter what race/gender/sex/orientation/wage/religion they make/are. Both of us would have a much happier day if you weren’t a douche to me because I didn’t put enough ketchup on your burger. Or got you the wrong size of pants. Or the wrong perfume brand. Life is full of small disappointments, be the bigger person and stop taking out your anger out on a virtual stranger for making a mistake.

Those five steps listed above are damn near guaranteed to get you lively and efficient service. Remember people if you treat people nicely, they will normally do the same to you. Now obviously there are CSR’s out there who give zero fucks and just stand around and do nothing... sorry about them... their just here for the scenery obviously.  Also the title of Customer Service Representative may be misleading. This can also be read as Sales Associate, or basically anyone who interacts with customers and provides them with a service. Capice?

Now that I’ve finished this rant I am off to eat chocolate, drink some mother fucking apple juice, and watch Vampire Diaries...cause that’s how I reward myself after an hour of writing.

Slainte,

~ Viki

It Must Be That Time of the Month...

Needs. We all have them. Some are more urgent than others, but they are always there. My needs are plenty.  They are a living, breathing, fluctuating, pulsing thing that never seems to be satisfied and never goes away. They are the voices in my head that tell me that I am a strong independent woman and that I deserve to be respected. But they are also the creeping loneliness and unhappiness that filters through me in the early hours of the morning when I’m awake and really should be sleeping.  It’s been years since I dealt with them. Life makes it hard sometimes to stop and look into yourself and figure out just why you aren’t happy. Life makes it hard to pinpoint the origin of happiness, of anger, of sadness, or joy. Life makes it hard because life needs to be rational – at least for me. Life needs to be practical solutions for not so practical problems. Life needs to be responsible decisions and being an adult. Not sitting around and analyzing why nothing seems to be enough for me. Why I can’t be enough for me. I’m happy being alone. Seriously. My life does not revolve around any one person or thing. It revolves around being the best person I can be without sacrificing my happiness and opinions, without changing myself for others, without editing my emotions to make those around me more comfortable.  I try hard to be true to myself, and it makes me wonder why I feel the need to be so blunt. Am I trying to get attention by being so outspoken? Is it a cry for understanding? I have no clue...All I know is that my needs are outweighing my common sense right now. My mind is full of all this not so happy stuff that I just can’t seem to untangle. It’s taken me two days to write this... and I’ve changed my mind. I’m not happy being alone. I’m sick of being alone. I’m sick of being the person who stands up for people. I want someone to stand up for me once; I want someone to be my rock. So there. I’m tired of being single, despite the fact that I am an overly controlling, stubborn, neurotic person who loves to hermit and be creatively insane.  Now someone come over and give me some fucking snuggles. <3

Slainte,

~ Viki

That Awkward Moment When...

So...it’s been a while since I posted. This post isn’t necessarily about being a Raging Bitch. It’s more about needing to get things out in the air and off my chest.

I went to a party last night. I also had a fucking blast. Until the end that is. I was feeling a little meh by the end of the night. My buzz was wearing off and I just wanted cuddles and love.  Aaaand I didn’t get any. Bummer, eh. So when one of my male friends comes upstairs and asks for people to come downstairs and crash in his room with him because he doesn’t want to sleep alone... well, we all need cuddles sometimes, yeah? So my female friend and I went downstairs to crash with him. Now picture me all non-buzzed and just wanting to go to bed...next thing I know the bed is squeaking and I’m hearing heavy breathing and panting.

You’re fucking kidding me, right?

So. Here I am with two of my friends going at it and I can’t help but wonder how one should deal with this sort of thing. Do I turn around and flip shit like I so desperately want to? Do I get up quietly, gather my things, and flee? Well, I did a mixture of both really. I got up, grabbed my shit, and walked out – slamming the door as I left. I figured that might be able to penetrate their horny beer crazed minds. Who knows, they were pretty busy. 

Now, a rational person would be vaguely disgusted and then get on with their life right?

Nope. Not me. That’s because -like most people- I have issues. Baggage. Awkward hang-ups and semi-crippling insecurities.  

I was really offended by their actions, and more than a little hurt. Their actions sent me a very clear message: their needs outweighed mine. My feelings and my comfort meant absolutely nothing in the face of their biological urges. Of course I’m thrilled with this revelation, whether or not they meant it that way. Now, some people might have thought that I knew what I was getting myself into. Said friends are both known for indiscriminate sex and healthy libido’s and we’d all been drinking. The fact that they'd only known each other a grand total of 6 hours was kind of the cherry on top of this whole situation. But when one of my friends says they don’t want to sleep alone and asks people... PEOPLE... not a singular person, down to their room because they don’t want to sleep alone, that signals loneliness to me, not horniness. And because I know what it feels like to be lonely - since I’ve been alone my entire fucking life - I figured that I’d go down there and give up a good night’s sleep to share some comfort with a friend.  That’s what I get for actually giving a shit about other people’s feelings and emotional well being.

 Unfortunately I am the type of person that gives. And gives. And gives. And never gets back it seems. I am seriously at the point where I am sick and tired of giving. I’m tired of adding people to my life who give nothing to it - whom I give love, support, advice, and protection to when they need it. But selfishness abounds, especially in my own mind. I am number one. I need to come first sometimes. I need to fulfill my own needs before I am crushed under the weight of my own inner thoughts and recriminations. So fuck all of you. Every single one of you who thinks they have the right to ignore me and my needs.Who thinks they have a right to my love, my advice, my loyalty and support. For once, I want to be number one. Over everything else. And since it’s not healthy to ask that of another person, I guess I’ll just ask it of myself. Because maybe that’s what I need to be happy. I've stood up for others my entire life, gave them someone who wouldn't judge them, who would care about them and give them whatever emotional support they needed. And I've been sucked dry it seems. I have nothing more to give. I really don't.

Slainte,

~ Viki 

P.S. If you're offended by this post I will honestly say I give zero fucks. If either of my friends are bothered by it, well then you should have thought about the consequences of your actions before you followed through with them. I'm clearly unimpressed with the entire situation, and I don't care if anyone thinks I've blown it out of proportion.  Deal with it.